I'm Not Feeling It...No More Getting It..

My birthday is ( I will be 21, yay me!!!!)tomorrow..and I am so mad that I am still going to be in school. I wanted to be home for my birthday, but since my transmission went out my plans are not working for me. I have to go home on friday on the school bus..which I hate!!Ugh, and on top of that I have a final tomorrow for apparel industry! My party is saturday and I am not feeling in the celebrating "mood". First, off I didn't get my remi hair, that I wanted for the party..or my outfit, or my shoes!! Some way to end '08...I just want to go home!

I can't believe that I am pissed off like this!! I rarely get mad..I am just the sweetest little person ever!! I am so upset..maybe that isn't why I am mad.. Maybe I am madd because I am second-guessing myself in this fashion thing? I havn't made any plans or started anything pursuing my career..I don't feel motivated..I don't think that I have feelings. Is that possible?? For someone to go through life feeling nothing at all?? I'm just numb..but yet, I sit here red-teary eyed in the computer lab of the library.having all the symptons one has when they are depressed..sad.dull eyes. empty soul..I don't get it..I was just happy on sunday?? I wish I knew what was going on so I could get it together, I just feel like packing up and heading home and sleeping forever...