Happy New Years/ Thump...Not Slump

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!! I am soo happy it's a new year...but I didn't want to bring it in like this: single, broke and un-happy.. I broke up with my boyfriend...I don't want to keep writing about being sad, depressed, and all that!! This is suppose to be a happy blog, about living life...well an insite to my life and me!! Well, this is my life I guess, I just have bad luck with guys, and my life is always fiiled with drama...and I'm so prone to it that I'm numb to what happens to me everyday..I was ok..with the break-up cause I knew it was coming but..after awhile, well actually like 45 mins ago..I had a relapse..and I felt like a heroin addict who wants to get help and go to rehab but..when you havn't had your next "hit" after some hours you go into that withdrawl..and you sweat..vomit and all that! I wanted to call him...I needed to call him so that he could tell me where we stand but he ignored all my phone calls...I just wanted a simple "it's over"..Am I acting desperate?? Like, he is the only guy that I could ever have? Oh well..I don't know!!

I'm Not Feeling It...No More Getting It..

My birthday is ( I will be 21, yay me!!!!)tomorrow..and I am so mad that I am still going to be in school. I wanted to be home for my birthday, but since my transmission went out my plans are not working for me. I have to go home on friday on the school bus..which I hate!!Ugh, and on top of that I have a final tomorrow for apparel industry! My party is saturday and I am not feeling in the celebrating "mood". First, off I didn't get my remi hair, that I wanted for the party..or my outfit, or my shoes!! Some way to end '08...I just want to go home!

I can't believe that I am pissed off like this!! I rarely get mad..I am just the sweetest little person ever!! I am so upset..maybe that isn't why I am mad.. Maybe I am madd because I am second-guessing myself in this fashion thing? I havn't made any plans or started anything pursuing my career..I don't feel motivated..I don't think that I have feelings. Is that possible?? For someone to go through life feeling nothing at all?? I'm just numb..but yet, I sit here red-teary eyed in the computer lab of the library.having all the symptons one has when they are depressed..sad.dull eyes. empty soul..I don't get it..I was just happy on sunday?? I wish I knew what was going on so I could get it together, I just feel like packing up and heading home and sleeping forever...